Our globe....

Our globe is so mixed up that it doesn't
care if it lives or dies.
WE, the ones who should be the custodians,
are neglecting our duties.
There is no more normalcy in the weather,
the seasons are non existent and we just
ignore the messages received on a daily basis.
Earthquake, floods, tornadoes, drought, snow
storms, ice storms and many more. 
What are we leaving as a legacy to the future
generations? or will there be future generations
when no one cares anymore.

Let's talk

Even the darkness invading my spirit
is impotent to stop my cries for a brighter day.
I hear the wind calling me,
imploring me to follow him behind the horizon
of haze that keeps chocking me and robbing me
of my life.
My eyes, not so alert like those of the hawks
that flies overhead wanting to show me the
way out of the haze.  I feel shivers run through
my body, but my feet are hot like red coals not
wanting to run anymore.
my face is white or could it be red at some point,
but maybe it could be black also during the
pitch darkness of the night wanting a true me to
come out.
I stand there and slowly, so slowly just start to sway
hoping maybe that my bad dream has ended with the rise
of the new day and the help that is extended to me ....

NB: this month is the month of
"Let's talk... do not be frightened to ask for help".

Call for help

I'm silently sitting here wandering why I do not feel
sorry for myself or anyone else in this world.
My mind is just floating around and around to no
avail in finding a place where I could certainly
go and do something worthwhile.
Do I hear little hammers in my head?
how can anyone live day in day out with such a
noise, is inconceivable to me.
Is there a way to stop that drumming without
playing around with one's sanity.
I read about it,
I listen about it.
I argue about it.
I run away from it.
Until I stop and it reaches me again,
almost mad at me for running away from it.
This is well hidden to the eyes of the world,
no one really believes me when I act strange
or stop acting altogether.
Society is a funny group of animals ready to
pounce on you if you are not like them.
I have an ordinary life on certain days and
atrocious days when I can't manage my brain.
I found solace in a tiny bird who settled
his nest right under my window, every day
I look at his struggles for survival against
predators like squirrels, bigger birds, the
lonely wandering cat, the dog that keeps
running and then backs away, and all this is
for his offspring who can't even fly yet.
He's very courageous in protecting his
environment and is always on guard even
against me who keep spying on his everyday
life. So know I learned that if I want to stop
the drumming, I have to stand up and stop
the drummer from beating those drums -
that drummer is ME and only me can come
out of it and with the help of the next bird family
that will come and live in the empty nest at
the bottom of my window.

NB: I tried to put myself in the head of a person
who might or might not admit that they have
a mental condition, so if this can help in anyway
I'm happy for the person, plus just ask for help.   

One after another

Is it possible that the earth keeps on
shaking always at the same place!
For one who has experienced an
extremely mild tremor, I do not know
what it feels like to see everything
crumbling around you.
If you are young and in decent health
you can always run to try to shelter
yourself.  If my memory is right, we
(children) were told to hide under a
table, a door frame, or just get the hell
out as fast as you are able to do it.
But in life not everyone can run, crawl
or even protect themselves from the
wrath of nature. When it hits, you
tend to loose your balance, panic
settle in you and as such you loose
all the control and knowledge that was
instilled in you.  I do not wish these
types of experiences on anyone, but
then life is not always what we would
like to be....
I do not know how to pray anymore,
but maybe if I could, I would go and
offer my help in any type or manner
possible.  To give money - is to throw
it to the wind, better give it to the
people themselves who know exactly
what help they need.  I have seen cases
where crates of clothes, food & water
opened by those who had to transport
it to these people, took out what they
wanted, re-closed the crates and send it
out without those goods.
YOU TELL ME THAT THIS IS RIGHT.
No way, because had there been a "spirit,
lord, or whatever you want to call it"
he/it would have not permitted such a
breakdown of human love for one's
brother, sister or family.......

Blank of memory

Is it possible to be able to write in one
language on not another ....

At times one word will escalate into a
myriad of phrases and your mind works
overtime.  Then there is times when you
keep looking at the empty white sheet or
in this case screen and wandering what
is going on.
A look, a taught, a sound will trigger such
a great passion in a person that it might be
just as well that nothing is coming to me.
I have started to be an hermite and fear the
cold, the snow, the slush, the icy patch
that can send me on the ground and land in
a dirty, infected emergency room, where one
goes in and don't know if you will come out
safe and sound from the mega attacks of
bugs....
So please bear with me for a while and maybe
in the near feature my brain will start a new
gear of adventures and love stories.
Thank you.

Another hug

If tears could build a stairway,
and memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to Heaven
And bring you back
HOME AGAIN.
I have tried many times to no
avail. Maybe it's me who
can't find a stairway in my
present confusion...
I did find a friend of snow
waiting for me to hug him
before he melted away.
My hug was warm but his
body was cold, so the sky
decided to separate us once
again.  A fine rain fell,
I had to leave you friend,
as I turned my body around
to wave you one last time,
you had already gone to your world.
OK I have quite a bit of time
to make you up again for just
another hug to you......

What a Santa this year....

Hi Friends I had the best visit from Santa this year.
I got my desktop pc back, boy did I miss it!
But my greatest gift came from an e-mail that
I received on the 25th from a friend that I had not
heard in the past year.  I did not want to disturb
due to some serious problems this person had.
So you can just imagined my joy when I managed
to finally set up my pc and open the e-mails.

 

I felt like an happy scrooge (since I did not

contact the person for the year) but what a joy....

Now I want to thank all the e-mails I received

with suggestions, ideas, good wishes for my

old friend desktop computer recovery.  I guess

now that we changed a few (50%) of it's components

and put in my windows 10, I should be OK for 

quite a while.

Thanks also to the people who come and read or

just look at what I try to write down just as it

comes out of my head with no retouching. 

Thank you FRIENDS for supporting me and at

times my unorthodox writing.   

BUT THAT'S ME...

THANKS, 

THANKS, 

THANKS.

Like a fool

There is no fool like the old fool.
From the look of my pc (very old)
but well kept, I found that I need
to scrap it.
I taught I was very smart and immune
to the world, but little did I know that
I would become part of the statics
myself,
YES my computer has died of old age
and now I need to runaround in the
madness of the holidays to rebuild my
computer from scratch.
So this is hopefully not the last message
that I will post here, but just in case
let me WISH ALL A:

"Happy Holidays".


Please come back and check in a few days.

Lost generation

I feel most fortunate to have left a few generation
behind me.
A generation where a woman was less than dirt,
at the mercy of their family and later on of their
spouse.  I do understand that poverty, sickness,
mountains of children mouth to feed was a burden
on some people.  Lucky that the generation before
mine decided to leave behind, houses (if we can
call them that), livestock, parents and their beloved
country, not knowing what lay ahead of them.
At one point only men left for the new world,
leaving behind their young families, their young
wives, their aging parents for a piece of bread
less to feed had they stayed.  For sure no social
help was available having just came out of a war,
just or unjust it was a war just the same and many
lost their lives for the love of their nation.  Where
they brainwashed? why kill and fight an enemy
that you have never seen or heard before.  For the
idealist politician, the incredulous youngster or the
religious individual who believed in all kinds of
ideas, at times invented by leaders to amass a
greater fortune for them and their similar, but
surely not for the population who suffered the
consequences of such actions.
I pray (a word almost meaningless at this point)
and hope for anyone who went through that period
not to see it again in their life time, we lost already
too many generations of humans to loose more in
the future..... 

Do I judge or not...

One of these two gentlemen is my grandfather.
I have never knew his face or his faith.
Why did he marry my grandmother who was
not from the same town and much, but much
younger than him, gave her seven children out
of which only three lived, I'll never know.
I'm not a young girl or woman, I have grown
children who are themselves parents, my own
parents are not in this world anymore and out
of the blues I found this photo, behind was the
name of the man I should have called grandfather,
but I never did, nor did my own father,
or was he knowledgeable about the existence
of this photo. Sure we can't make out the
features but I'm my guts feeling tells me that
it is the stronger and taller man.  He looks
proud and poor, he was an adventurer in his
time, just like some of his grandchildren of
today.  Poor grandmother who could not count
on his support to raise their family.  Why did
you do what you did in your short life.  Oh
yes he was fairly young when he passed away,
from what or how no one would tell me.
I had the right to know about this man, a right
that was to me denied and until I'm on this
earth I will continue to wonder and question
myself, try to remember what little that I was told.
Do I have the right to probe his life, or should I
just let the dead keep their secrets with them in
their graves.  I do not even have that pleasure
to stand in front of a grave and contemplate
his life, since in my country, after 20 years a
person is dead, their remains are taken out of
the grave and disposed off in a commune, that
today after more than 110 years  I would not even
find a death certificate (archives destructed from
an earthquake), my grandmother is gone along
with her 3 children who I'm sure kept their
secret while alive and even now in death.  I will
keep on fantasizing for the man that I love in my
own way......

Heart of the ocean

The heart of the ocean is laying down
in the depth of the Atlantic ocean
undisturbed for ages.  No one really
remembers what it looks like, is   it big
or is it small.  Does it shine or one could
not differentiate it from the darkness and
the skeletons protecting it.
Who really knows is not here to tell us,
we can look for it, we can fantasize about it,
or is it in a shell well hidden from the
humans eyes.  It is said that he who
touches it will never feel joy from it.
Who had it originally no one knows,
did it made some lady or a greedy man
loose it's mind when it went down in
the darkness of the ocean with more than
a thousand people who taught they were
safe crossing that monster Atlantic.
Oh if only some of those ghosts would
return to us and really tell us that night
events, we can only imagine what it was
like, but he who has not gone through
a similar event will never understand
to be eaten alive by the ocean...
Oh mother why did you give me a pence
to make that crossing for a better life,
why with that ocean liner and not another
one with less pretense.   It was my destiny
just like the destiny of the heart of the
ocean diamond to never make anyone
happy, it preferred to go and rest at the
bottom of a fathomless ocean floor and
never see the light of day again.

NB: photo is replica of a muddy purse
and hat of the 1910 period.

Darkness of the sky

In the darkness of the sky
there's always a bright light.
Use the eyes of your heart and
a shinning light will come out.
It might not be what you
wished to see in the darkness
but as long as you believe in what
you see there always be hope
shining high in the darkness of the
sky.  Do not let fear enter your mind,
but look up at the sky and an answer
will be there for you to see.
Oh I wish I could have directed my
eyes to the sky and search all the
answers there for me to see.
My heart of stone would not look
and today that I closed my eyes
I do not see the sky.  Let me sleep
for a while and then maybe with a
fresh mind and help from the sky
I shall be able to fight back my
demons who blocked my view of the
sky....

Letter to my nonni.

"Good evening or should I say good day...
Today one second your are
on one continent, the next
moment you are thousands
of miles away..."
Why do I write this. I came
across an old photo that I did
not know I possessed of a
great grandmother that I remember
like a faded dream & this photo is
so faded that I can barely see her.
She was not very tall or very slim
but she was not too heavy either.
This lady was my doctor, my nurse,
she was my mentor and guardian,
she would rock me to sleep and
always had an apple, a chestnut or
a piece of bread for me.  Did I cry
or was it her tears that ran over my
face when I left the village hidden in
the mountains to come to this land
of snow and ice, that too I can't
remember, but now that I know what
she looked like after to years that I did
not see her (she died at the ripe age of
94) in the early 1960'. 
Nonni hope that you will forgive me
for not remembering your features but
I was only a small child and now that I
am a grandmother I try to follow in your
footsteps with my own granddaughters...

Mother nature

Surprised by mother nature is a
lousy statement that only makes us
feel good while saying it.
Mother nature knows it's course
and will not deviate because we
hope and wish that at least for one
year it will not do what it knows to
do best, change our lives, create
havoc on roads, sends people who
believe in being supermen capable of
beating nature not with time but with
last moments ideas.
We have people who keeps telling us to
get ready and be prepared for eventualities
like: ice, snow, winds, scorching sun,
moon changes and disturbing the balance
of oceans, skies that are menacing from
one moment to the next, but still humans
believe that they can CHANGE nature
course and then human pays dearly for it.
LET'S WAKE UP !!!

Read and write

I'm just wandering who are the people
that come and go.
Do they ever leave a little note,
do they just browse and find this
writing so bad that they do not dare
to say so...
Well like it or not, I'm here to stay
for better or worse, grammatical errors
included... But at least I'm writing and
reading and it's more that some people
do in a day, a year or their life time.
That's what my grandmother used to say.



      🙌       😼

Let's read together.

Free spirit flew away

There are no words one can say when a
friend (even if I only saw him once in my
life time) leaves you for heaven.
Now every time I will pass in front of that
house on Marianne and Saint-Lawrence street
in my hometown, my heart will close up
for a fraction of time.
But then a smile will come on my face and
remember all your songs and poems that you
left behind. My brain will remember the tears
I shed when I first heard "Hallelujah".


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrLk4vdY28Q

Now you and god will sing together for all
of us.

R.I.P.  Mr.Leonard Cohen

Words

If only I knew different words,
maybe it would come easier to
express the bottle of feelings that
hide in me.
Words are hard to come by, the
real meaningful words I mean, not
those words who do not pass on
the message that I would gracefully
divest myself and make other people
feel good of THEMSELVES.

For now....

I'm still standing
a branch with no colors
a twig with 2 remnants
with a background of trees
with no leaves, they are
just standing there guarding
the entrance to a naked forest
abandoned by all living creatures
and us two leaves are awaiting
our cold blanket of snow.
Covered by melting snow, the
growling wind and deep freeze
will be our death, slowly falling
to the still frozen grown, we shall
lay there until we will not exists
anymore....

On this night

On this particular night
when nothing seems real,
little children are super active.
They are going out as their
preferred imaginative friends.
Some are brave, others not so much.
They hold tight their parents hands
but keep going on. They are big people
too, since they are showing off their
costumes and they get candies on top of it.
Little do they know, that down the road
a fake smoke comes out of boxes,
strange sounds make them wonder
their steps start to feel heavy as they
approach the sounds, the noise, the
fumes, the oooooooooohhhhhhhh and the
aaaaaahhhhhhh of lights and fairyland
fantasies.  So let them dream and be proud
of having survived this magical nights for
all the children who are LUCKY enough
to participate and only appreciate their
enjoyment the next day, after a night of
seeing werewolf, goblins, pirates, queen,
princesses, kings and vagabonds....
all the modern cemeteries on the street
around their homes lit with a bright
jack-a-lantern and a black cat....

Never lift a hand

A woman is sacred, but then also is
a man,child or old people.
We child,woman,man,old people are
all equals on this earth.
One should never (no matter the occasion
lift a hand to harm someone else.
He (male or female) is not worth the
air that he breaths if a hand goes up
to harm. Excuses are easy to fabricate or
come, when a temper is lost, or a memory
rage, or just the trill that some find in harming
their human or animal fellow.
I can excuse everything except those who
believe they have certain rights to harm
without being punished, believe if it's not
the human justice it will be another justice
but you always have to one way or the other
pay...