White tears

What am I doing sitting on this hard chair

behind a stupid screen instead of drying 

the cold and harsh tears streaming down

my old ravaged face from the tears that 

I let go 52 years ago on the 4th day after

my wedding night to a monster who did

well in hiding is upbriging, is sickness,

his week spirit and conditions that were

instilled in him from the day he saw the

daylight.  

Stupid me for not having rebelled, for not

having told anyone (not even my parents)

in what a web of deception I walked in.

No one had the guts to tell me what they

knew, no one had the decency of being

honest, THEY WERE ALL HIPOCRITS.

Who put their heads in the sand and just

hoped for the best - for him and not for me.

Is a revenge at this stage - worth it,

but then I have 3 gorgeous children and

2 granddaughters, I look at them and my

rage melts down.

  

Master's accomplishments

Colors are the master accomplishment

of mother nature at spring time.

No painters, no genious and no artificial

intelligence can match what we get for

free from nature, but not all humans know

that....

What we had

What the two of us had was inconceivable but very special.

One of those unforgettable rapport. I'm over the moon to have

encountered you and spend sleepless nights and stolen 

time during the days, that made us both extremely happy.

Now that we both agreed to put an end to it, I would wish

him all the best that life can offer him in his new adventure

of marriage but not with me. I do not hold grudges because

we both new and consented to enjoy the time (5 long years)

time that I had with him was real and genuine.

We had ups and downs, we shouted, yelled at one another,

but after a few days we were together talking,writing,laughing,

exchanging gifts with no regrets.  

So my lovely lover, enjoy your new life and, and only when

you are alone with your taughts, maybe just maybe you can

remember one minute of those five years. I loved you and

still today love you for what you gave me on a silver platter,

    YOUR UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

Bright star

I talked to the skies of you and how

gorgeous you are.  They in their  

curiosity they just listened to me

and smiling to themselves.

I talked to the ocean and it just

listened to me, caressing and just

lulled me.  I talked of you to the 

clouds, the rainbow and at the 

whole world, remembering the

softness of your skin, of the intense

green of your eyes, when a strange

voice from the darkness was asking

me .. who was it that had capted my

heart?  and my honest answer was

IT'S A STAR, my bright shining star.

 

Spring colors

 I'm still waiting for the explosion of 
spring colors. Days are gray and miserable,

squirrels don't dare put their nose out from 

their home in my ancient tree, flowers forget it,

the snow is so heavy and plentiful that it will

take the sun for a hole week at 80 degree to 

melt everything. 

Guess I have no option than just sit and wait for

spring to manifest itself in my part of the world. 

Crying ... alone

Crying alone in my misery is nothing new for me

Since my early childhood there is no respite 

in my lonely life.

I ask myself "what did I do to deserve this 

evergoing misery?" but to no avail, there is not

answer. So let my tears fertilize my life, let it

serve as a reminder that we don't choose why we

are born or what is the purpose of our life on this

broken down planet or my broken down life...

The river

 

When the river talks to you the least you can do is
listen and reflect, We are the invasor, the extravagant

polluter and killing of river,ocean,lakes,but not only

we are killing the habitants of these great expands

of  fresh and salty waters. Why are we killing all that

falls between our hands. Nature the great creator 

this it's best job and lended it to us. But then one day

hopefully not during my life time, nature will just

die of trying to please mankind. Mankind is a stupid

predator and destructor and he laughs about it.....

When will it end

There is no ending in view to this lousy winter,

my childhood winters are gone to never return.

How do I feel, it's a constant daily changing story,

I open my eyes with the hope that colors are back,

that snow has disappeared and birds are back to

singing their natural melody.

BUT

My bones are rebelling continually to no avail,

no creams,no caressing, no resting helps, it's a

daily combat between myself and my aging body

now it's a question as who will be more resilient

in our fights...

Lost angels

When a child is called to heaven

there is no sensitivity left in the 

hearts of parents.

A child is the fruit of love, a 

continuation of our soals and a hope

for our old days. 

Why are we loosing children in wars,

natural disasters and killing them for

no apparent reasons.  Killings of 

2 small angels who were at a daycare

is the most excrutiating pain for the

parents, people who take care of these

children and first aid responders who

are helpless in saving them...

Solitude

Life is an island of solitude,
if you know how to fish 

you shall get all  your pleasures

of this mortal world offers you.
It does not take much to make you happy
to have a full life and good and bad

times, but then only you are the master 

of your life and happiness 

even with simple things
that come your way...

 

Real or not...

It's been a while that I did not go out for 
multiple reasons. A little might be due to

the fact that with age my bones do not  want

to obey me anymore. 

On the first cold or a slight wind, my mind

starts rebelling and keeps telling me "Is it 

really necessary to go out...?".

So I engulf some fresh air from an open window

look around to see if activities go on around my

backyard and would you guess it this year there

are no birds playing around with the bird feeders.

So all this is to say, listen to your body, and just

work with what you have in your own home.

A little like this plastic rose that keeps me company

until I can go out and search for real roses and

flowers to immortalize with my small camera. 

 

Cheap life

When you call a human being a friend
without meaning it, then you are 

cheating life.

You profess your love, 

then stab them in their back, 

that's criminal.

You put on a pretty face, sweet words

to better murder another life.

What is LIFE worth for you?

It's a cheap commodity under your

dirty hands.  It doesn't create a dent

in your mind that you are right and

everyone else is wrong if they don't

adhere to your thinking.

We reached a point where we all

cry for justice, but there's no justice

available for the pettiness we show

for ourselves and others.

We promote individuals hoping in

their fairness without thinking they

are just as unfair to this world but

they are excellent actors in convincing

of their rightness to the world, but

do not try to comprehend their reasoning

you would loose the little justice that

you are hoping for...

Money is the EVIL of evil  and no one

wants to hear it....  

RIP Lisa Marie

When a young child looses a parent

it's a pandora box that closes for ever.

When you loose a famous father 

it's a pain that is hiding in a corner of

your heart just at the mention of his name,

you hear his voice, his laughs or his

cries, his nonsense jokes or even a soft

goodnight, those are your memories 

and you cry about your loss of that time

that could have been yours and his.

You too lost a child and your heart

rebelled but then you had to care for

the others who were depending on you.

You silenced you heart picking up all

the pieces shattered and unmendable,

just the way you did at the loss of your

dad. 

You have finally reached a point by

leaving this mortal world and went to

join your dad and son.  Now your heart

is mended and you can sleep in peace

in their arms.   

Future holding of 2023

Wish I had prepared something a little
more original to WISH A HAPPY AND

PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR 2023 ALONG

LOT'S OF HEALTH. 

Unfortunately I don't have great belief

in my own wishes.  The world is upside down

and humans also.  

But let me think positive at least for this 

transitional night.    

On a silent night

On a silent night a new born arrived.

Peace was palpable in a furious and 

bostorious town.

Why is it so silent to be almost scary

and unusual time in early winter night.

Chimneys can be counted by the 

release of white smoke and went to 

the sky on a starry night.

I dream or is it a sweet melody that

I can hear or is it just an imagination

from the old tales of my grandmother.

I wonder the streets confident that on

this silent night no harm will fall on 

me, I feel protected and confident that

that on this silent night only good hearts

roam the street of this silent night in

a silent town.

PS: Photo not mine, if author recognizes his

work, please let me know to give you credit.  

 

Fearless

On a misty night engulfed

in silence only my taughts

were wondering around.  My steps

had no directions, my eyes no views

just a mist dancing around me.

Why did I leave my heaven to

run after dreams that will never

materialize.  The whistling of a gentle

breeze mixing with the heaviness of

the mist, my body kept going and going

on without counting the steps or

the tiredness of my old bones.

Sundowns are for young lovers who

still have faith in their future, the

warmth of the sun going down is

not enough for me.  So I stop counting

steps, I kept on my normal pace to

eventually arrive at a destination that

is not mine or is it...

NB: Photo not mine but if owner recognize

it please send me an e-mail & I will give

you full credit.
 

Lost

What do I have to loose,

since some of my dreams I

have renounced, of my body

I have never paid much attention.

Now that the age has finally

reached me, only my soul is

still in the air transported to 

the thousands whims of the

wind.  I can scream, I can 

put up a tantrum, but no one

is there for me. I hide like

a rabbit in my hole and fear

the unknown world.  Do I

keep dreaming or do I just

put an end to this miserable

life.  A little star one night

fell from the darkened sky

put a light and a twinkle

in my eyes that really showed

me that LIFE WAS STILL WORTH

LIVING... 

 

Searching the sky

Not one star is adorning the sky
for company tonight.

The moon is slowing disappearing
behind thousand clouds
shading the world in darkness.

Alone I shine 

while the night dominates 

until the daylight appearance

making it's  slow arrival.

You are like the moon 
that shines in the sky 
on a starless night for all of

us who dare lift our eyes to the

blackened sky. 

 

What to do....

That's a million dollar question?

What do you do when you realize

that the person you've been with for

the last 51 years has no more will to

live and is just pulling down everyone

with him.

It's sickening, it's sad, it's intolerable

since there seems to be nothing that

will take him out of the deep depression.

We try to talk, to reason, to be gentle

but to no avail.  Will not ask for help

but in a way kind of agree with him

since the covid period it's hard to get

in touch with doctors or even see them

face-to-face. A phone call is absolutely

not the same.  But what do I do?

Short of just letting him go down is own

path then I feel guilty.

Those who suffer

A cure was not invented yet

so in a soft whisper a voice

was heard, "come to me",

With tears flowing down our

eyes, you softly went away,

our love for you did not manage

to make you stay. A heart of gold

you were and you decided to 

stop beating, your hard working

hands are now still.  Our broken

hearts are the message that 

only the best are taken away

before their time....