Sunday, December 11, 2016

Do I judge or not...

One of these two gentlemen is my grandfather.
I have never knew his face or his faith.
Why did he marry my grandmother who was
not from the same town and much, but much
younger than him, gave her seven children out
of which only three lived, I'll never know.
I'm not a young girl or woman, I have grown
children who are themselves parents, my own
parents are not in this world anymore and out
of the blues I found this photo, behind was the
name of the man I should have called grandfather,
but I never did, nor did my own father,
or was he knowledgeable about the existence
of this photo. Sure we can't make out the
features but I'm my guts feeling tells me that
it is the stronger and taller man.  He looks
proud and poor, he was an adventurer in his
time, just like some of his grandchildren of
today.  Poor grandmother who could not count
on his support to raise their family.  Why did
you do what you did in your short life.  Oh
yes he was fairly young when he passed away,
from what or how no one would tell me.
I had the right to know about this man, a right
that was to me denied and until I'm on this
earth I will continue to wonder and question
myself, try to remember what little that I was told.
Do I have the right to probe his life, or should I
just let the dead keep their secrets with them in
their graves.  I do not even have that pleasure
to stand in front of a grave and contemplate
his life, since in my country, after 20 years a
person is dead, their remains are taken out of
the grave and disposed off in a commune, that
today after more than 110 years  I would not even
find a death certificate (archives destructed from
an earthquake), my grandmother is gone along
with her 3 children who I'm sure kept their
secret while alive and even now in death.  I will
keep on fantasizing for the man that I love in my
own way......

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